Heartbreak isn’t the opposite of love; it is as much a part of love as the initial attraction itself.
The experience of having a romantic relationship come to an end brings up so much within human beings. Some become obsessed, going to the most extreme of measures to regain their lost loves. Others hide their grief, acting unfazed during the day and allowing the tears to flow as the night does. Then there are the cynics- those who swear off love as being “too difficult” (read: too painful) for them to navigate.
However you handle heartbreak, its clear that loss is a thing that fundamentally changes us. For better or for worse.
The thing that hurts most about loss (real or imagined) is the fear of losing something that that person gave to us.
I loved someone, once. It wasn’t a love that was fraught with passion, but a gentle understated relationship filled with long talks and long walks. It was comfortable in a way no relationship before it was. And suddenly, it ended. I was reeling. I spent months trying to make sense of it.
Yet, one day it hit me. Being dumped didn’t hurt me as much as losing my biggest supporter, my closest friend, and somebody who generally made me want to do better.
Realizing this made me see that people can never really “give” us anything. They can feel a deep sense of attraction towards us and express it, but it is we who take that expression and project it onto ourselves as a feeling of “being loved” (this probably explains why we can misinterpret situations and allow ourselves to believe that somebody is in love with us, when they’re not).
Suddenly, not having that love necessitated me to find ways to create it. And I did.
This will sound like a bit of a cliche, but that heartbreak served as a kind of catalyst for the person I am today. In realizing that everything “given” to me was nothing more than a feeling, I was able to bring that feeling to life more and more by doing things I loved.
It is not to say that a divine force was necessarily responsible for this, but it’s truly amazing to think of the tragedy I first thought singledom was (further showing the attachment to the “soulmate” outcome, the outcome that keeps me from getting hurt) and the absolute gratitude I now have for the love I lost, and all the ways I inevitably had to find love.
Little did I know that I’d find the love I deserved by just allowing my heart to break open.